• a variety of fine pickles •

...has MOVED to http://redhotjezebel.typepad.com/




caffeine rage, cheap greek hookers & bliss

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i really gotta lay off the caffeine in the next few days. my afternoon blog was just... ugly.

· not enough/no caffeine = pounding headache, lethargy, foul temperament.
· just enough caffeine = no headache, plenty of energy, pleasant temperament.
· too much caffeine = raging bitch.

now that the caffeine has worn off, i am in a much better affection - and am so excited about the prospect of going to atlanta to see my best friend corey. i'm planning the trip for a few days in april and will be there for my birthday, april 9. hooray! i can't wait to see corey! he was here with me for new year's eve and new year's day, which was the most perfect new year's i've had in my life. low key, almost quiet, good conversation , a roaring fire in the fireplace & good music. we spent the evening with my very good friends fred & michele. that's the way to spend new year's - with your best friends. i look so forward to seeing him!

we're famous for our roadtrips, corey and i, (most notably santa fe & canada!) and will hopefully be taking a roadtrip to savannah while i'm there, or maybe nashville. i'd like to see the parthenon in nashhville to see the statue of athena, and how the hillbillies have painted her up like a cheap tart. they gilded her in gold and put make up on her. she looks like a five dollar whore in too much maybelline. gross. i gotta see that. oh, how i love a good trainwreck.

it's been ages since i went anywhere. the last time i travelled was in june, when i went to los angeles for a photo shoot assignment, and prior to that was road-tripping all over texas on tour with deryl dodd. don't misunderstand; i do love travel for the sake of photography, but an actual holiday for the sake of holiday... it's nearly a foreign concept to me. of course i'll have my cameras with me, and will take way too many photos, but i don't have to.
and the best part is spending time with my best friend. i don't care what we do or where we go - we could stay in the whole time and i'd be completely happy. yay. i'm blissful now.

creepy diversion : can you tell a serial killer from a computer geek?

my beautiful friend karin from germany and her precious daughter - from photo shoot this weekend


i am not a people person today.

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not recommended for those in a good mood.
my attitude right now might kill your buzz.

i got roughly no sleep last night and am severely caffeinated as a result. stopped by my starbucks this morning, and since there were no less than 4,000 cars waiting in the drivethrough, i decided to go in. the glorious carlos, my morning sunshine, wasn't available because he was working the drivethrough. a young woman barista helped me in his absence.

however, i shant cast aspersions on the goddess who created my blessed infusion this morning. she made for me exactly what i needed: 5 shots of espresso, 2 equals and a soupçon of cream. no drama intended. i'm just feeling wired for sound and prissy. it was perfect - and i was wound as tight as a spring for about 4 hours, then i started to deflate a little bit... and as a result, have been pouring coffee down my throat all afternoon. boring tech support meetings, stupid customers who should just RTFM instead of wasting my time, and idiot co-workers have been enough for me today to want to kick somebody in the neck. no drama.

sometimes, people just suck. today, is one of those everybody sucks sort of days.


mexican bingo & dog doo redux

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the mexican bingo is here! the mexican bingo is here! my mexican bingo arrived today! yay! i am so excited - i've been out for weeks. i don't play mexican bingo. although... man i feel old. i just got excited about bingo.

i make stuff with mexican bingo, namely nichos & shrines, mostly for good luck & dio de los muertos and occasionally freida kahlo, our lady of guadalupe and other santos, although i haven't made one with a saint in a couple of years. i just like them for their kitschiness, mostly. i'm lame.
mexican bingo, or loteria is one of my favorite components to mexican folk art because it's so boldly colored and almost childlike in it's simplicity. heh. sort of like me, i suppose. the cards are printed on cheap, matte cardstock - flimsy and more paper-like than card-like, and for some reason, that's part of their appeal. i also use milagros; tiny little pieces of tin shaped like body parts or animals or even people kneeling in prayer (genuflecting, maybe?) that are used as offerings to the saints for prayers specific to the shape of the milagro. they're pinned to a tree or given to a priest or left at the church.

i just recently made a small shrine for my best friend corey in atlanta and i haven't sent it to him yet, so decided to photograph it for my own personal posterity. i add my own texan whitegirl touches to nichos and shrines. and for extra kitschiness, i'm going to start a three dimensional sacred heart made of papier mache to hang in my red living room. yay!

hank update: the squirts seem to have subsided, thankfully. i know willie is relieved. he hates having a bath. since he just had a bath yesterday and had to have another one this morning due to his unfortunate proximity to hank, [during what shall from now on be referred to as the late february poop fountain] i'm sure he's feeling a bit punished for getting a bath two days in a row. from now on, i'm going barefoot to avoid the delicious temptation of slippers.



it just cracks me up.

www.clownpenis.fart

and now, the local news.
my puppy hank ate one of my slippers last night - the good cushy kind, all comfortable and full of thick foam rubber.
so this morning, when he was walking through the house at about 6:00, whining & howling, and hunched in the "about to poop" stance for about 20 minutes with *something* hanging out of his butt, i figured that the time was right to take him to the vet, post haste...

a dose of fast acting dog laxatives, an extraction with a hemostat, an xray, some oral meds and $243.22 later, he is fine and no longer full of foam rubber. he's been "decorating" the backyard for about an hour and a half now. he's out there all by himself at the moment, and willie is laying on a rug in my bedroom after having a bath... he got a little too close to hank as hank was, uh, "decorating" and was covered in liquid hank poop. he's got the turbo squirts. gross.
this runs a close second to the worst way to start a monday - finding a dead rat in my toilet will *always* hold first place.


no rest for the wicked & frito pie

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since yesterday starting at around 4:45pm, i have watched:
º american beauty
º grease
º closer
º bottlerocket
º secret window
º the shining
º school of rock (i jack black)
and i am now watching like water for chocolate
i've seen all of these movies before; it's a weakness of mine. i do love watching movies for the first time, but if i find a good one, i'm likely to wear it out. the aforementioned titles are no exception, and are only a small fraction of a very long list of movies that i love to re-watch. i still have a few left that i want to watch tonight -
º high art
º heavenly creatures
º trainspotting
i have no idea how to get that done and edit the photos from the shoot this afternoon, (one of the two shoots scheduled for today was rescheduled for thursday) and do about 2 loads of laundry, and make dinner¹, and bathe my filthy dogs, and go shopping for unnecessary nonessentials, and catch up on email.
a womans work is never done.

¹my friend matt armendariz wrote about frito pie today, causing uncontrollable cravings. i am powerless agaist the frito pie.


thus spake zarathustra & dirt floors

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i had a dream last night that i don't remember at all, but for some reason woke up with the title of nietzsche's "thus spake zarathustra" burned on my frontal lobe for some reason. don't know why. never read it though i am familiar with it, but haven't thought about it in god knows how long. wish i remembered the dream, sort of. i have a feeling maybe it was one of those dreams of greatness.
i have two photo shoots today. since my studio is in my home, i like my house to be really clean when a photo client comes over, so i've spent all morning sweeping and mopping my wood floors. while sweeping (and sweeping and sweeping) i thought about how much more sense it would make to just have dirt floors. i sweep my floors about 3 times a week because a) i have dogs, and b) i don't like my floors to be dirty, and c) as i mentioned, i have dogs. two white short haired boxers. i can't imagine how they have any hairs left on their dog bodies as they shed so much...
this is the pile of dog hair and dust since i last swept on thursday evening. and - since it's been rainy for about 2 weeks, the dogs have been muddy and dirtier than normal. seriously starting to rationalize the dirt floors idea...

watched this morning
just watched
now watching
i netflix




morbid curiosity i suppose...

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i don't know whyyyyy i went there. i don't know whyyyyy i did it. i'm too damn superstitious to do crap like this. i know that about myself. however, filled with anxiety and - what else - morbid curiosity, i clicked submit... on the death clock. i know it's stupid.

sunday, july 3, 2022. that's the day i'm supposed to croak, according to the death clock.
i'll be fifty one. interestingly to me, a friend of mine was killed on that date in 2003, so that date was already significant to me. why oh why oh why oh why did i go there.

now i have to plan a swingin' shindig starting somewhere around july 1st, ending when i fall out, replete with early 4th of july fireworks so i can go out with a bang... i'll get e-vitations out a.s.a.p.




find out when to plan your party

currently listening to


mystery $cratch

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i never know, when this sort of thing happens, if it's manna from heaven, or if somebody just thought i looked particularly poor yesterday and -gasp - in need of a decent meal... not that this sort of thing happens to me often... or ever, really. yesterday, somebody left a sealed envelope on my desk at work with a $10 spot in it. i found it this morning at the ass crack of dawn. plain white mailing envelope. it was tucked safely under my computer keyboard, sticking out just enough so that i'd see it, presumably. although my name was not on the envelope, i have to assume it was for me because it was, as mentioned before, tucked securely under my computer keyboard. my name is on my desk, which leads one to believe that the person / prophet of god who left it there did know for whom they were leaving said ca$hola.
so the question is:
¤ do i ask around?
¤ do i take it as a hint to buy a different brand of antiperspirant -perhaps my current pit-treatment ain't workin. do i offend?
¤ do i drop to my knees and thank moses or gabriel the archangel for this gifty?
¤ do i treat it as "found money" or "windfall" from some wonderful $10 cash cow and blow it on something fabulous?(as fabulous as it gets for 10 bucks, anyway.)
¤ do i wrack my brains to think of when i loaned somebody the ten bucks they just returned to me in an envelope on my desk? (i honestly can't remember doing that...)
¤ do i consider this as some sort of bid for my affections from the cheapest potential sugar daddy ever?
or -
¤ do i just take the money and run?

i hope it's the last one, cause i only have $5 and change left from it after taking it to taco bell on my lunch break.thanks, whoever!

no matter where it came from, i love it when that happens. it's even better than finding a $20 in a coat pocket - because i never misplaced it. sort of reminds me of a walk through the hiking trails at lake grapevine with corey many, many years ago:"hey! alright! a snickers!"

listening to


baristas & bingo

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carlos, my favorite barista at starbucks (thank god my little town has two starbucks' - movin' on up) made me the most delicious latte today. my usual. same thing every morning - grande nonfat vanilla quad latte. can i just say how nice it is to:a) be the *only* car in the starbucks drive through at 9am on a friday morning - something that nobody could have predicted, and b) have the barista who answers the drive in call with "good morning sweetie - the usual?" and it's just nearly ready as soon as i pull around? wow. that is for the awesome. if i hadn't had to pay for it i would have felt like i'd won the lottery. i did get a complimentary piece of pumpkin bread however. or, as i refer to it, the food of the gods. i love carlos. he is my morning sunshine. annnnnd - i could not be more excited because i am going to go play b-i-n-g-o tomorrow. w00t! does that make me a total loser? because i don't care! i'm gonna play bingo and smoke too much and bring all my good luck charms! ooooh - i gotta go buy a new bingo dauber! yay! i love new daubers! big money! come on, big money!

today's wish list part deux


matt bites

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my friend matt armendariz in los angeles writes about and photographs the most unbelievable foods and locales on his blog, mattbites. if you're a foodie at all, i highly recommend a visit and a bookmark. it's delicious, and my one of my favorite places on the web to hang out. i told matt that i live vicariously through him and his exotic travel destinations and unbelievable foodtography. he's very talented as a photographer and quite an articulate writer with a knack for describing gastronomy in a manner that never ceases to make me salivate. please do visit; you'll be inspired and you'll leave with hunger pangs, even if you've already eaten.

this would look bitchin in my kitchen.


my best friend was on OPRAH today!

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thank god it wasn't springer... how often is it that someone you know is on oprah?! my best friend corey was on oprah today - part of oprah's angel network. corey works for storehouse and they provided all the home furnishings for 50 homes oprah built in houston for katrina evacuees... if you click here you can see a screenshot of a clip from the show, it shows you which one is corey, sort of a "what to look for" tutorial - so then you can watch the clip from the show and see corey in action in his small screen debut! today, oprah. tomorrow the world.you RULE, core-y. love you xoxox


old friends & gmail, no rhyme, no reason.

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ever felt the urge to look up someone you haven't spoken to for a lonnnng time - and find them? and if so, did you actually contact them? i did - and although it's been more than 10 years since we last spoke, we've begun a very nice correspondence via email.it feels really good.i don't think i express my deep and undying love for gmail often enough. it ain't enough to offer free pop3 email, they just have to be awesome in every other aspect as well. i've had gmail for over a year and have since broken up with and left yahoo... see ya. can i also just say how much i love the movie "interview with a vampire"? if loving it is wrong, i don't want to be right. i think i have narrowed down the prospective future ex-husbands to two: beck and john corbett. may the best man win.


the magdalene laundries

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i found an article - online of course, because there aren't newspapers anymore, are there? - about something that i'd heard of a couple of years ago and somehow forgot about completely. after reacquainting myself with the specifics of the story, i find it hard to believe that i ever let it slip from my mind... please read about this. it's the magdalene sisters from the magdalene laundries in ireland. it will likely sicken you, and especially if you're a woman, it will enrage you. please show your support by emailing the irish government. it's free, it's quick, and it's necessary.


babies babies, everywhere

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my sister megen and her boyfriend kirk have a bun in the oven! they're due right around gracie's birthday next year - gracie was born on september 9 2005, and megen is due on september 11 2006. that means dylan is going to have a baby sister or brother, too. i think he'll be alright with that, although he did have some trouble coming to terms with not being gammie & poppie's only grandchild after gracie was born... when she was about a month old, we were all at my mom & dad's house, fawning all over the beautiful princess grace, when my mom asked dylan what he thought of his new cousin. his answer was "she's okay i guess. she doesn't do much... sorta lays around alot. she doesn't say much, does she?" we all had to turn our heads so he wouldn't see the tears welling up in our eyes from supressing our laughter.


boycott

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happy effin valentine's day, even though i'm not celebrating it. i have big plans for tonight - after a long day at work, watching huge, gaudy bouquets of flowers being paraded through the office as if they were on their way to a coronation, i plan to go home and be bitter and resentful, then watch sex in the city, and watch carrie being bitter and resentful. misery loves company. then, just for good measure, i might top it off with a pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream and a couple of episodes of the golden girls. i hate valentine's day.


when grandpa munster sang happy birthday to me

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back when I was in radio, my morning show partner and I were on this kick, intereviewing celebrities from old television shows from the 60s and 70s Butch Patrick, Bernie Koppel, Dawn Wells, Bob Denver, Jeff Conaway, Lisa Loring sure, none of them were any longer a-list or even b-list celebrities, but had been in their heyday, and it was always a hoot. except Bernie Koppel. he was an asshole. and jeff conaway was drunk. at 8am. but I digress

april 9th, 2002, we had an interview scheduled for the morning show with Al Lewis from the munsters and car 54 where are you. I couldnt wait! he called in before the interview was scheduled so we could, in his words, "get to know each otha a little bit befoah we jump offa dis cliff hand in hand". so while my morning show partner was out of the studio, Mr. Lewis and I talked off the air for about 10 minutes, just laughing and having a good old time man, I was having a private phone conversation with Grandpa Munster. it was pretty surreal, and pretty cool. I mentioned to him that this was a great birthday present getting to talk to someone Id watched on television for such a large portion of my life. ...april 9th is my birthday

interview time came, and Mr. Lewis regailed me, my partner and our listeners with tales of his working in vaudeville, burlesque, the circus, his foray into politics when he ran for governor of new york in the green party, the munsters, his restaurant in Greenwich Village in nyc, his voracious appetite for books and knowledge all with a sharp wit and real, good humor. he was hilarious. the interview ran long 20 minutes in fact, with no station breaks a huge radio no-no I didnt care, I was having a great time and could have listened to him for hours. he invited me to come see him on the air and said hed cook for me, and to leave my morning show partner back in texas because he was "such a wet blanket". haha! what a wise, wise manat the end of the interview, when I was falling all over myself thanking him for all of his time and such a great radio interview, he said he had one last thing he needed to say, and that it was very important, and would I mind? of course I didnt mind and he began to sing, in his inimitable brooklinesque -

haaaaaaaaaaaappy boiiiith-daaaaaaaay tooooo yooouuuuuuuuuuuuu, haaaaaaaaaaaappy boiiiith-daaaaaaaay tooooo yooouuuuuuuuuuuuu, haaaaaaaaaaaappy boiiiith-daaaaaaaay myyyy deeeeeeeeaah sweeeeeeeet melllllllllisssssssssssaaaaaaaaaarrrrrr,
haaaaaaaaaaaappy boiiiith-daaaaaaaay tooooo yooouuuuuuuuuuuuu!

that was one of the best birthday presents Ive ever received.

thank you, grandpa, and good night.





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About me

  • I'm melissa mcgee
  • From Temple, Texas, United States
  • photographer. singer. soapcrafter. herbalist. dogmom. godmother. fantastic cook. i kiss better than i cook. [all photographs on this blog copyright melissa mcgee unless otherwise noted.]
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