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the princess and the pee

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my 6 month old neice gracie was admitted into the hospital last night around 10pm. she had apparently had 8 seizures in a period of about 30 minutes. i desperately wanted to be there, to be near her and to be near my family, but my mother insisted i stay home and come to the hospital in the morning. i wouldn't be allowed in to see her or even be anywhere near her because she was in the pediatric unit. i told my mother i didn't care, and that i just wanted to be there, but she told me to stay home and try to get some sleep.
i didn't get any sleep last night. i prayed, i worried, i wondered, i worried some more, i tried not to worry, i prayed some more; all the while my head felt like it was filled with turning wheels that wouldn't stop. i couldn't turn my mind off all night. i'm not sure what i was feeling. i felt so powerless to do anything to help, and i felt helpless here all alone. that's a terrible feeling. i don't know that there would have been anything at all i could have done to help; i would have done anything. i couldn't do anything. i couldn't have done anything. i don't know what to do, except pray.

i went to the hospital this morning around 7am, completely disregarding the 10am - 8pm visiting hours; i wasn't met with protest of any kind. when i got there, my sister and gracie's dad were asleep in the mommy & daddy bed, and gracie had just woken up and had re-discovered her feet. she was in her hospital crib made of chrome and set high off of the ground. it reminded me a little bit of a jail. she was a little groggy, but in good spirits despite having just woken up. i just stood there leaning on her crib, and we talked and she gurgled a little and cooed at me some more, and sometime around 8:15 or so the nurse came in to check her vitals. milicent. she was wonderful. i'll always remember her telling gracie "we're going to fix you." that meant a lot to me. at about 8:45 this morning the doctor came in to take gracie to her MRI, so i left for work. i stayed at work just as long as i could, then decided that i just needed to be with my neice and my family. i left work around 1pm and went back to the hospital.

her MRI results came back completely normal, praise the lord. no tumors, lesions, fluid. her seizures aren't febrile - meaning they're not caused by fever. the doctor said again today that although there is still more testing to complete, she's reasonably certain it's eplilpsy. the photo above is gracie during her eeg. she was the best patient ever. never cried once, until she got hungry enough to let somebody know about it. we mcgee women are food-aggressive, and she's definitely a mcgee woman. a little later in the day gracie's daddy & i went downstairs with her and a doctor for some xrays. that's where i saw her have a seizure for the first time.

we were all holding her down on the xray table; an xray tech had her little legs, and her daddy had one arm and i had the other. suddenly she started voilently jerking her arms, and her whole body sort of quaked as her head shook. it only lasted for about six or seven seconds, but it was very frightening for me. afterwards her eyes sort of glazed over a little for about ten seconds, then she was just sort of back, like nothing had happened...and then she peed and pooped all over the xray table. that's my gracie.

i came home for a few minutes to let my dogs outside, have a little dinner and start a load of laundry and i'm going back to the hospital. she'll probably be there until saturday. it doesn't matter who your higher power is; i don't care. but please, say a little prayer.

2 Responses to “the princess and the pee”

  1. Anonymous sayra 

    that gracie is gorgeous. how is she doing? how are YOU doing? i haven't read your blog in a few days; man, what a week.

  2. Anonymous melissa 

    she's doing a little better. they've started her on medication to put a stop to the seizures. just got home from the hospital visiting my little princess... she's just perfect.

    me? that's a tough one to answer. it's been one hell of a week for certain. i'm so tired that i can't even feel it anymore and have been operating on pure adrenaline for several days now. just when i'd given up hope on the ol' adrenal gland, it pulls through in a pinch.

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  • I'm melissa mcgee
  • From Temple, Texas, United States
  • photographer. singer. soapcrafter. herbalist. dogmom. godmother. fantastic cook. i kiss better than i cook. [all photographs on this blog copyright melissa mcgee unless otherwise noted.]
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