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prank calling etiquette, the lawn ranger & apple pie

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why would you call someone you're not certain if you know or not, and when they answer, ask "who's this?" don't do this to me, because you'll only be met with "well, who were you calling for?" i'm not so dumb as to tell you with whom you're speaking. especially not if you sound like some dirty old man with four teeth in your head.
and when i do say "well, who were you calling for?" if you decide to get lippy with me, expect to be hung up on. and when you call back repeatedly and ask every time "who is this?" expect to be told "it's the person who's about to use her connections with phone companies and the police to arrest your stupid ass for harassment."
and when you call back again and tell me in a not-so-pleasant voice "quit hanging up on me, bitch!" expect me to tell you "stop calling me then, you asshole." and when you tell me "i ain't no asshole!" you should always expect me to laugh at you, berate you for being a fifty-year old drunk prank caller with nothing else to do while you're waiting for your welfare check to come in the mail and why are you at home anyway? did somebody steal your 'will work for food' sign?"
that's when the phone calls stopped.
how the hell did it get to be thursday already? i have to go to WORK tomorrow. how badly does that suck?
spent all morning on my hands and knees in my front yard pulling weeds and errant grass out of the flower bed that separates my driveway from my yard, and i planted the rosemary bushes i bought the other day. yay! i love rosemary, and it's so hearty here in texas. we need plants like that that grow under almost any circumstance or climate. any weed that cleverly disguises itself as a "plant" or better yet, and "herb" is perfect. i'm going to go herb shopping this afternoon i think, and plant a bunch of different varieties in clay pots on my side porch because it gets great sun and great shade. i love my porch. i'd really like to get rid of the porch-swing-of-death and replace it with a lovely bistro table and chairs as well. that's a perfect spot for coffee in the mornings because of the indirect sunlight.
nobody cares about my plants so i'll stop.
although i did fire my lawn guy today after waiting for TWO WEEKS for him to show, calling him countless times and leaving voicemails and actually speaking to him and being assured time and again that he'd be out to do my yard.
made a lovely roast chicken last night with perfect baked potatoes. baked a homemade apple pie with a lovely streusel topping. from scratch even! had apple pie for breakfast this morning. good 'n good fer ya.
off to the nursery for potting soil, clay pots and herbs o'plenty!

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  • I'm melissa mcgee
  • From Temple, Texas, United States
  • photographer. singer. soapcrafter. herbalist. dogmom. godmother. fantastic cook. i kiss better than i cook. [all photographs on this blog copyright melissa mcgee unless otherwise noted.]
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