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the melista - 101 things about me

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UPDATED 5.29.06 - see #2, then see the bottom of this list. i'm a moron. or a hillbilly.
i have cabin fever. i've been inside for the last two days with whatever this crap is that's going around, and have regressed into my previously in-check OCD behavior including list making. grocery lists. to-do lists. already-done lists. lists of lists i need to make. and now, the melissa list, or "the melista", as i like to call it, because i'm wacked-out on cold medicine.
get in, sit down, shut up and hang on.

1. i have an abnormal, completely irrational, paralyzing fear of clowns. seriously.
2. i never seen "deliverance". - saw it, 5.29.06
2. i collect whimsical teapots and bottlecaps.
3. when I was in 2nd grade, i met theodore seuss geisel, dr. suess.
4. i am the only italian in my family.

5. seeing people trip and/or fall makes me laugh till I pee.
6. i accidently dyed my hair black once, and it was iridescent like a crow.
7. i can play the accordion. well.
8. i “went” to college for 2 semesters, but really I would drive there and take naps in my car.
9. the worst nightmare I ever had involved charles manson, a 4-foot bag of cheetos and a japanese katana.
10. i have only had one cavity my whole life, but;
11. my upper two front teeth are bonded together, and one day the bonding is going to fall off. probably in an embarrassing yet comical scenario.
12. i have been offered every job I’ve ever interviewed for except one; i re-interviewed and got it, and i start on tuesday!
13. i once met johnny depp at barney’s beanery in hollywood, and he told me i had “a great set of lips”.
14. whenever i dream that i’m married, i’m always married to john corbett. that is VERY okay with me.
15. i have always wanted to switch to mac OS but am too intimidated.
16. i have had surgery 12 times.
17. i swallowed a straight pin when I was 2 ½ years old. My mom “waited” for it, and it’s now in my baby book. gross.
18. i am a three stooges afficianado. really.
19. i once waxed one of my eyebrows completely off in what I now refer to as “the waxident”
20. if I could look like any celebrity, I’d want to look like lili taylor.

21. i am completely, desperately addicted to afrin nasal spray since i was 15 years old.
22. my favorite drink has always been icewater.
23. i can recite every word of dialogue from young frankenstein, fletch, raising arizona, steel magnolias & grease.
24. no matter how hard i try, i can NOT learn to play the guitar.
25. if i don’t have a starbucks quad espresso before 10am, i have a headache all day long, and i complain about it ALL DAY LONG.
26. i have never been married. thank God. if i had been married, i'd be divorced.
27. i have an unnatural obsession with dried herbs, and have more than 200 in my apothecary.
28. i’ve always wanted a monkey because my mother and father had one before i was born. his name was algernon. and yes, he flung poo.
29. i dance worse than chandler bing.
30. i’m a big fan of barry manilow. yeah, i said it.
31. i don’t have a passport.
32. i’m not a big fan of alcohol and imbibe extremely infrequently.
33. when I have food cravings, it’s usually either sashimi, cinnamon rolls or spinach.
34. i am a sympathetic vomiter.
35. i’ve always wanted to win a grammy.
36. i am the trivial pursuit goddess, all editions except sports.
37. i abhor anything sports related.
38. i’ve never been a blonde.
39. my favorite bandnames are adios pantalones and vanilla trainwreck.
40. I know all the words to the bonanza themesong.
41. my favorite holiday has always been halloween.
42. alice in wonderland has terrified me for as long as i can remember. like clowns.
43. i will not eat an onion unless it’s cooked to mush. even then, i have reservations.
44. i have five tattoos, and i’m pretty sure i’m done.
45. i once accidentally super glued my right hand to the side of my car and was stuck that way at a gas station for 3 hours. that was a proud day in my life.
46. i see dead people. i was once interviewed on a news special when a news crew investigated the haunted house i was living in. the caption read: “melissa mcgee: senses spirits”.
47. i once caught someone breaking into a car at 4am. he tried to run away, turned his ankle on a rock and fell into a creek where he landed on a fallen tree and broke his leg. punk.
48. i’ve been stabbed.
49. julia roberts nauseates me and i'd kind of like to punch her in the throat.
50. i’ve been saying martha stewart was shady for years.
51. if i had been a boy, my name would have been jason, named after jason and the argonauts.
52. i was born with naturally auburn hair, the least common shade of red hair.
53. i was also born with brown eyes, an extremely rare eye color for a red head. see #80.
54. i have two extra bones in both of my feet.

55. al lewis, who played grandpa munster, once sang happy birthday to me
56. my father is a direct descendant of mary, queen of scots. i guess that means i am, too.
57. i was banned for life from the dallas zoo because i accidently killed a mccaw when i was 4 years old.
58. i will eat any variety of sushi or sashimi except urchin, because it’s the texture of phlegm.
59. i was good friends in high school with two of the voiceover artists for yugioh.
60. i once killed a spider on a pizza delivery man’s face by slapping him. he wasn’t as appreciative as i thought he would be.
61. the sound effects in the movie “twister” hit too close to home, and i broke out in hives watching it in the movie theatre when it first came out.
62. i was once a witness for the prosecution in a murder trial in dallas.
63. i drive the speed limit.
64. i am always too hot, never too cold. i hate being hot.
65. i have never visited nor had the inclination to visit a tropical locale.
66. i want to go to sardegna on my honeymoon if i ever get married.
67. many years ago i called in sick from work to stay home and watch a golden girls marathon on lifetime. it was worth it.
68. i got my finger caught in a theatre seat’s reclining mechanism and tore it open, and left the theatre with blood spurting from my finger. the movie? “night of the living dead”.
69. i have a blood lust for rats but i don’t want to be near them.

70. i went to summer camp with a girl whose name was cherry dick.
71. my nicknames include smelly, lissa, skeecat, swee’pea and gidge. (see # 77)
72. i had to cut all of my hair off once after a perm fused my hair together so badly it looked like dredlocks. at the time, my hair was down to my butt.
73. i used to have a hedgehog.
74. when I was in radio, I accidentally dumped soup into the control board, knocking my radio station off of the air for 4 days while the replacement board was delivered at a cost of $29k, which was more than I made that year by several thousand dollars.
75. i had my 16th birthday party at Tom Joyner’s house in irving, texas.
76. i was righteously stalked by a creepy, obsessed mistake of an ex-boyfriend 7 years ago.
77. when I was 14, i convinced everybody at summer camp that although my name is melissa, all of my friends called me “gidge”. it worked.
78. i am the 7th generation first born; all 7 generations’ first born was a female. the legacy ended with me as my sister, the 5th born of the generation had the first baby of the new generation.
79. i am the oldest of 8 granddaughters.
80. my eyecolor changes from brown to auburn – matching my hair color perfectly – depending on what i’m wearing, but i tell people it changes with my moods. and they buy it.
81. two of my friends and one of my uncles gave their daughters the middle name kate after me.
82. i am a fairy Godmother.
83. i once drove a flaming bread truck down the highway. it was AWESOME, but it wasn’t my fault.
84. i once yelled “what’s the holdup!” in a bank drive-through before I really thought about what i was saying. the tellers didn’t find it humorous.
85. i have a somewhat obsessive fear of scorpions though i’ve never been stung.
86. when I was 5, i accidently kicked out a girl’s two front teeth in ballet class because instead of doing pliers, i was doing high kicks like a rockette. my mom was asked not to bring me back to class.
87. when i was 16, i ate two whole canisters of play-doh in under one minute, on a dare. also in less than a minute, i vomited it all back up. red and yellow play-doh barf, white carpet. dusty’s mom was maaaaaad.
88. when i was 17, i got drunk for the very first time on triple sec, grand marnier and vodka. i didn’t get drunk again for a very long while.
89. i make kickass potato soup, crème brulee, velveeta fudge and fried egg sammiches.
90. i have only eaten spam once in my life, and only then because there was trickery involved.
91. my first fight was when i was 5; i busted some 6 year old bitch upside her damn head with my little pink purse full of playground gravel.
92. i the past i have had pets named: chicken, tutu, nicky, crusty, paisley, pyewackett, peanut, massive cat, akasha, rosie, sebastian, cocoa, little pig, screwy, scooter pie, and a hamster named wildfire.
93. i was so disturbed at seeing the ending scene of “hannibal” that i barfed in the theatre.
94. at a texas rangers baseball game (see #37) i tried to blow a bubble with my gum and accidentally spit my gum into the hair of the very large, angry man sitting in front of me.
95. among a long string of bizarre injuries, i was once in the hospital for 6 days with 2 cracked vertebra, a skull fracture, a brain bleed & aphasia after tripping over my cat.
96. i have never been successful with sea monkeys, no matter how many times i’ve tried.
97. i can only drink a glass of champagne if i’ve put 2 sugar cubes in it. i understand that’s the way hookers drink it, too.
98. i once accidentally punched kyle carter in the face while learning to square dance in the 4th grade for “pioneer days” at my school. he celebrated pioneer days with a black eye. i never got any better at square dancing, and found it difficult to find a willing partner.
99. i am way more obsessed than a person should be with febreeze antimicrobial spray.
100. at 35, i have only been to california, utah, new york, new jersey, oklahoma, new mexico, mexico and canada.
101. as i mentioned, i am a compulsive, obsessive list maker.
i JUST realized, two days after i started making this list that on #2 i wrote "i never seen "deliverance". notice the conspicuous absence of the word "have". must have been the power of suggestion. apparently i transported myself to appalacia for a moment there.
it's good to be back.

2 Responses to “the melista - 101 things about me”

  1. Anonymous Samantha 

    HOLY SHIT! I laughed the whole way through that list. It was worth the read! I had coffee coming out my nose I was laughing so hard! You need to write a book. I would BUY IT!

  2. Anonymous matt 



    ... and I love you :)

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About me

  • I'm melissa mcgee
  • From Temple, Texas, United States
  • photographer. singer. soapcrafter. herbalist. dogmom. godmother. fantastic cook. i kiss better than i cook. [all photographs on this blog copyright melissa mcgee unless otherwise noted.]
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